Monday, 23 May 2011

The Woes of Suck-In Pants & Other Embarrassing Stories

Embarrassing things happen to me. Fact. In any group of people, if someone's going to fall down in the mud - it's going to be me. I'm also clumsy - if anyone's going to break something in a shop, it's going to be me. And I'm also quite forgetful - if one person's going to forget to bring a gift to a party, it's going to be me.
I'm quite used to it now and largely have accepted this way of life. But that doesn't mean I don't sometimes dread, with sick anticipation, how my next moment of public humiliation will come about.
Not long ago, I was in France visiting the very holy and revered town of Lourdes. Women are expected to cover up to show respect. So, of course, that was the day my dress strap decided to break, allowing my bra to be visible to all! Even for me, that was bad!
I went to a family wedding this weekend. It was a lovely occasion, but the odds are never good for me that I'll make it through something like this without incidence. Fate didn't disappoint me. I had expected trouble in the form of my suck-in pants - every girl's best friend when you need to squeeze into a pretty dress...until you have to take a visit to the ladies room later in the day. Getting those babies back on after you've had a three course meal is quite a feat!
However, that wasn't to be my main drama on Saturday. That came later in the day, when I returned to my hotel room to change out of my heels and into some flat shoes. A girl has to dance, right?
I snapped the key in the lock.
The moment I turned the key, the whole thing just broke. And there was no spare. So, some of the more unfortunate members of staff had to climb up a ladder and break in through the bedroom window (which was secured to not open for safety purposes!) An hour or so later, I was able to access the room, but unable to lock it from that point on!
There was some speculation as to the cause of the key breaking. Some thought the metal was weakened from such frequent use. The manager (who was called Mr Perfect...which he was not) implied I had drunk too much and with my hoof-like hands had been too rough with his precious lock. I would like to take this opportunity to deny these allegations - I had only had one glass of champagne (at that point!) and my hands aren't anything like hooves!
Publicly, I agreed that the metal was weak. But I have another theory. I've told you all before about my freakish hands that melted a steering wheel...well could it be that I have super powers in my palms? Gonna have to keep an eye on that!

I have another family wedding to attend next week...what could possibly go wrong?!


1 comment:

  1. I don't think I'll let you near my family
    That's a crazy story! Poor key, poor door, poor employees, and poor you! I hope the rest of the evening went well :)